Invisible
by Lantarmiel
Summary: Remus Lupin has one week left to tell Sirius Black his true feelings, but his fear of rejection may prove a formidable opponent. Inspired by one line from Clay Aiken's 'Invisible': Not a songfic (Thank God)


Invisible  
By Lantarmiel  
  
A/N: This fic was inspired by one line from the song 'Invisible,' by Clay Aiken: 'If hearts were unbreakable I'd make you mine tonight.' Listening to that song on repeat one night gave me this timid little plotbunny. Enjoy!  
  
Pairing: Black/Lupin  
  
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns all of the Hogwarts characters and places. I am merely borrowing them, and promise to perform full memory charms on them upon their return.  
  
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It all came down to this. An era in Hogwarts history was about to end—the Marauders were leaving. Seven years of hard work had led to this day; seven years of blood, sweat, and tears. No longer would Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs roam the halls; no longer would the sounds of their laughter resonate in the hallways.  
  
It was exactly one week until the end of term. Most students were running around, trying to do everything they had always meant to do in these seven years, but had never gotten around to actually doing. For one student, however, this night marked a sacred and tragic anniversary he had honored since this date two years ago.  
  
Remus Lupin lay on his bed, staring up into the red curtains around him. Every second that passed felt heavy on his heart, for it was one less second he had to tell his secret to Sirius Black.  
  
Sirius.  
  
He had realized it fifth year, after a particularly painful transformation. That night, even with his transformed friends around, he could barely keep his wits about him. He found that the only things keeping him from giving them the slip were thoughts of his most canine of companions—how **Sirius** would react if he ran away, what **Sirius** would do, how **Sirius** would bring him back. And he had gotten through the night by focusing on his best friend.  
  
But back in the boys' dormitory, thoughts began to flit across Remus's mind. Thoughts that scared him. Thoughts that seemed wrong. Thoughts that he never should have been having about another boy. But nonetheless, there they were. Dreams that started that night had continued, until the werewolf knew that it was indeed not a phase. Like it or not, he was in love with his best friend.  
  
_I have to tell him. I have to tell him tonight. It's only a week until we leave, and I can live that long without them. And then... and then I'll face the world. I can do it, if they are so disgusted by me that they can't bring themselves to talk to me anymore. But I have to tell him before we graduate, and tonight is the night I realized it. But how can I? I may be one of the famous Gryffindor Marauders, but they would never have been my friends if they hadn't felt pity for me. That's all I am. A bloody pity case!  
  
_A choked sob escaped his throat as he rolled over to muffle his cries. It was hopeless. Seven days left, out of the years he had had. It was hopeless.  
  
And another thing—he was eighteen! What was he doing, sobbing on his bed like some lovesick third year girl? It was so unlike him, to break down like this. He was the calm one, the one who tempered the wild plans of James and Sirius with reason! He wasn't the type to agonize over unrequited love!  
  
But, then again, he hadn't thought he was the type to fall in love with his best friend, either.  
  
Wiping his tears on the scarlet quilt, he took a deep breath and shook his head as if to clear it. Come Hell or high water, Sirius Black was going to find out that he had captured the werewolf's heart. And come Hell or high water, Remus Lupin was going to tell him.  
  
Getting up, Lupin stuck his head out of the dormitory door and called down to the Common Room. "Oy! Padfoot!" he yelled, trying to force his voice to be as normal as possible.  
  
Grinning, the shaggy headed teen looked up. "What?" he called back. "I'm collecting bets on how long Jamesie and Lily can snog without taking a breath!"  
  
Remus smiled to himself. "Black, put down the galleons, and come up here. I've got something to show you," he said. "And besides, isn't that illegal?"  
  
"It's only illegal if you get caught, mate," Sirius replied. "I'll be up in five minutes—they have to snog, and I have to collect my fees.  
  
"Right. Hurry up, then," Remus sighed to himself. _See? He doesn't care! It's like I'm invisible!  
  
He does, too! He just doesn't know what I'm going to say.  
  
He doesn't** want** to know. He'll run away, shocked, and never speak to you again!  
  
Will not!  
  
Will too!  
  
Will not!  
  
Will too!  
  
_"Will not!" Remus cried.  
  
"Will not what?" Sirius asked from his place in the doorway, puzzled.  
  
"Er..." came the reply. "Nothing. Didn't see you there..." Remus trailed off, looking at his feet.  
  
"All right. So, what was so important that it couldn't wait until I'd collected on the bet?" Sirius asked, bounding in and throwing himself on his bed.  
  
"I have to tell you something, and you have to promise not to interrupt me until I'm done. Then... I dunno. But I've got to get this out in one shot, or I never will," Remus said, glancing up at his friend.  
  
Sirius nodded in reply. "Not a word until you finish," he replied with a grin.  
  
"Right. Well... Merlin, I don't know how to say this. I suppose... er..." Remus paused, took a deep breath, and continued. "Two years ago, when I was transformed, I was so crazy with the pain that I almost ran off and went on a rampage around Hogsmeade. I couldn't think about anything else, just getting away. But... but then something broke through the haze in my mind, and kept me from doing it. And I haven't been able to get the thoughts out of my head for two bloody years—exactly, in fact. And... I keep thinking about you, as... as more than just a friend. I'm gay, and I know I have been for a while. I'm sure you guys have suspected it. But... what you don't know is... I think I love you. And I don't mean like my best friend," Remus finished, his voice growing smaller and squeakier by the second as he stared at his hands.  
  
There was no reply, and he snuck a glance upwards. Whatever he had expected, it certainly wasn't the sight that greeted his eyes. Sirius—his best friend, and the object of his affection, with tears rolling down his cheeks. Remus winced, thinking that he had caused the prankster to snap.  
  
"If... if you want me to go, I will. You guys don't ever have to see me again. But I had to tell you," Remus mumbled, a tear rolling down his cheek.  
  
"No!" was the choked reply from the bed. "Wait." Sirius sat up. "I—I can't believe that you feel like that. I figured out I was gay last year. And... Merlin, this isn't happening..." he muttered.  
  
Remus was on the bed and in his arms in half a moment. "I was so scared that you'd be disgusted with me..."  
  
Sirius stroked Remus's hair slowly, both of their tears slowly drying. "How could you ever disgust me?" he asked. "You have this fucking endearing way of looking at me that makes me want to protect you from getting hurt by the world. There are so many ways that you could be hurt... and I don't want any of them too happen, ever."  
  
"I can take care of myself. I can take care of you, too," Remus promised softly. "I have before, whenever you needed a place to stay during the summers when the Potters were away."  
  
"But you shouldn't have to!" Sirius cried. "You go through so much bloody shit already! Once a bloody month! You don't need my problems on top of yours!"  
  
"I want your problems, Siri!" Remus replied, trying to impress upon his friend the seriousness of the situation. "I want everything you want!"  
  
Sirius opened his mouth to reply, but was stopped by a sudden surge of person in his lap that ended up with Remus straddling Sirius and, for the sake of colloquialism, snogging his brains out. "Merlin's beard, Remmy!" he gasped, pulling away for a moment. "Where the bloody hell did you learn to snog like that?"  
  
"Gwyneth," stated Remus simply, naming their classmate, a Ravenclaw he had dated for a few months in sixth year because she had asked him.  
  
"My thanks to Miss Gwyneth!" Sirius exclaimed, pulling Remus back on top of him for another mind-blowing snog.  
  
_Not invisible anymore, am I?  
  
Shut up and keep snogging him!  
  
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Review if you wish, I'd like some constructive criticism, please.  
  
Lantarmiel


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